To help, we’ve compiled a list of examples of making amends in recovery that deal with ambiguous scenarios. Some people will be easier than others to approach due to the relationship you have with them, how close you live to them, or other factors. In some situations, attempting to make amends may cause more harm than good. And in some cases, you may not be able to make direct amends at all. However, you can still take action in all of these situations to satisfy the spirit and the intent of Step 9 and progress in your step work.

Positive Psychological Effects of Step 9 AA

While the process may seem daunting at first, you can make amends in a way that’s sincere and respectful. This can be a powerful way to move your healing journey forward. Again, in recovery, your words may not mean as much to some people as you wish they would. Understandably, some people may just need more time to learn how to trust you again. In these instances, the best thing you can do is to focus on your behavior and remain faithful to your commitment to live an honest, sober life.

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In these cases, they make promises of cleaning up their act and changing their behaviors to their loved ones just before they die. Making amends with the people you’ve fallen out with as you’re thinking about mortality and what happens when you die is one way of finding emotional freedom and closure. But what happens when the person you need to make amends with dies before you’re able to apologize and change your ways? Unfortunately, this scenario plays out much too often in the lives of people who didn’t get a chance to correct their mistakes and past behaviors in time.

What If My Attempt to Make Things Right Goes Wrong and Things Get Worse?

Amends allow me to also right the wrongs I may continue to make. It is freedom from behaviors that do not live up to the new life in sobriety I am choosing to live. Other individuals who have completed Step 9, such as your sponsor, may be able to help you choose a meaningful way to make indirect amends. Step Nine states that living amends we make amends “except when to do so would injure them or others.” We don’t want our actions to cause further damage, harm or stress. In those cases, we can make amends in a broader sense by taking actions like donating money, volunteering our time or providing care. In addiction, our actions and intentions aren’t aligned.

However, there are situations where it might not be appropriate. If approaching the other person opens up old wounds or re-traumatizes them, making amends isn’t advisable. If interacting with someone re-traumatizes you, or increases your risk of relapse, you might want to reconsider approaching them. Making amends helps repair relationship problems caused by addiction.

• Thankfully, there are tips you can take to help make your living amends permanent and lasting.
• David Kessler discusses a living amends in his latest book, Finding Meaning.
• We cannot control how others respond, whether they will forgive or whether they will hold on to negative feelings or resentments.
• And those words ring hollow when we repeatedly break our promises.
• Symbolic amends might be something you need to do if the person you harmed is no longer living or if establishing contact with them would cause more harm than good.